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TED演讲集:下定的目標可別告訴別人
大家请想想自己最大的个人目标,认真的,你们可以想想,体会一下,用几秒钟想想你个人最大的目标,OK?想象现在就决定,要实现这个目标,想象对一个今天你遇到的人说你要做的事,想象他们的祝贺以及对你的崇拜。大声说出你的目标不是很好吗?你不觉得已经又进了一步,就像它已经成为了你身份的一部分吗?
有个坏消息:你们不应该说出来。因为那种好的感觉,让你实现目标的可能性下降。重复的心理测验证明,把目标告诉他人会使目标更难实现。你有目标的时候,就要完成一些步骤,要做一些工作,目的是实现目标。理想地说,你要完成这些工作才能满意。但当你把目标告诉他人,他们认同了这个目标,心理学家把这称为一种“社会现实”。就有一种假象感觉,觉得事情已经完成了,因为你已经感觉到满足,就没有那么强烈的动机去努力完成必须的实际工作。所以这和传统智慧相悖。传统是让我们把目标告诉其他人,是吗?这样他们会支持我们实现目标。
我们来看看证据。1926年,社会心理学创始人Kurt Lewin把这叫做“替代”。1933年,Wera Mahler发现,当其他人认可你的目标时,你会觉得已经实现了。1982年,Peter Gollwitzer写了一本以此为主题的书。2009年他做了些新实验并发表了。
那些实验是163人参加4个独立的实验,每人写下个人目标,然后一半人把目标向大家宣布,一半人则不。然后每人有45分钟进行能直接实现目标的工作,但他们可以随时停下来。那些没有说出目标的人,平均来看在整段45分钟都用于工作。之后问他们,他们说觉得离目标还有一段很长的路。但那些说出了目标的人,平均来看,仅在33分钟时就停下来。之后问他们,他们说觉得离目标近了很多。
所以,如果这属实,我们能怎么做呢?你可以拒绝说出目标的诱惑,你可以推迟社会认同带来的满足,你可以理解大脑把说当成做了。但如果你确实需要说点什么,你可通过没有获得满足感的方式说出来。例如:“我确实想跑马拉松,所以每周要训练5次,如果我不做就让我滚蛋,OK?”
在座各位,下次当你想跟其他人说你的目标时会说什么?就是这样,做得很好。
Everyone, please think of your biggest personal goal. For real. You can take a second. You've got to feel this to learn it. Take a few seconds and think of your personal biggest goal, okay? Imagine deciding right now that you're going to do it. Imagine telling someone that you meet today what you're going to do. Imagine their congratulations and their high image of you. Doesn't it feel good to say it out loud? Don't you feel one step closer already, like it's already becoming part of your identity?
Well, bad news: you should have kept your mouth shut, because that good feeling, now will make you less likely to do it. Repeated psychology tests have proven that telling someone your goal makes it less likely to happen. Any time you have a goal, there are some steps that need to be done, some work that needs to be done in order to achieve it. Ideally, you should not be satisfied until you had actually done the work. But when you tell someone your goal, and they acknowledge it, psychologists have found that it's called a social reality. The mind is kind of tricked into feeling that it's already done. And then, because you've felt that satisfaction, you're less motivated to do the actual hard work necessary. So this goes against the conventional wisdom that we should tell our friends our goals, right? -- so they hold us to it, yeah.
So, let's look at the proof. 1926, Kurt Lewin, founder of social psychology, called this "substitution." 1933, Vera Mahler found, when it was acknowledged by others, it felt real in the mind. 1982, Peter Gollwitzer wrote a whole book about this, and in 2009, he did some new tests that were published.
It goes like this: 163 people across four separate tests -- everyone wrote down their personal goal. Half of them announced their commitment to this goal to the room, and half didn't. Then everyone was given 45 minutes of work that would directly lead them towards their goal, but they were told that they could stop at any time. Now, those who kept their mouths shut worked the entire 45 minutes, on average, and when asked afterwards, said that they felt that they had a long way to go still to achieve their goal. But those who had announced it quit after only 33 minutes, on average, and when asked afterwards, said that they felt much closer to achieving their goal.
So, if this is true, what can we do? Well, you could resist the temptation to announce your goal. You can delay the gratification that the social acknowledgement brings. And you can understand that your mind mistakes the talking for the doing. But if you do need to talk about something, you can state it in a way that gives you no satisfaction, such as, "I really want to run this marathon, so I need to train five times a week, and kick my ass if I don't, okay?"
So audience, next time you're tempted to tell someone your goal, what will you say? Exactly. Well done. |
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